I think it´s important to leave some things recorded here, which may explain some "after" for you. Things that happened to me and they made me so intense. These things made me be passionate (almost dependent) to all this intensity in my entire life.
Write in walls can be horrible! Clueless. Lack of respect. Absurd. Lack of civility. Etc. Etc.
But when you're very very young (I will not talk about age ´cause I don´t wanna to let you know for sure who did this), when it is your birthday and you arrive at dawn in the school and see the white wall in front of your college with a HUGE statement of love to you, with your nickname on it (just to be sure that IS for you, although you recognize the handwriting at this time), when the text is there gaping, that huge sentence saying that you are loved ... oh, well baby! Social convention and political correctness go to space (and beyond)!! There is a smile installed on your face and it will not go away at all!
(Actually, the smile came back, even today, many years later, only to remember that feeling ...).
Have you ever had a boyfriend who climbed on top of the table OR printed a banner OR called friends to make a serenade just to say "I loved you"? So ... I did! I confess that I loved every one of the things.
Even more: once he pretended not to remember it was our anniversary; and after I was super angry, he picked me up and gave me a more lengthy kisses of my life. In public. And all your friends made a circul around us and there was a bunch of applauses at the end. Shameeeeeeee.... I say "shame" today. At the time, considering I have space for wind in my head (which is what we all have before the 20s or so), I found it the best moment!
Once when I came back from a week on the beach with my family, I discovered that my boyfriend had been with another girl. Horrifying. I felt more ugly than she was (she was uglyyyy), of course! Small. Tiny.
When I saw him he came to tell me. He was super sorry. He didn´t know that I already knew (D.: thanks my friend for telling me!!!). And he apologized, and wept, and cried, and begged, and called me in the early mornings and late nights that followed. And begged (again). And I came back.
Won... The return after a fight! ... What a delicious sensation.
But the girl called him at home once. And I was there. And he swore he wanted nothing with her. And I did not know whether to believe or not. Then he gave me a phone and got to an extension. And talked to the girl and repeated that he wanted nothing with her, that he loved me and stuff. And she said she "didn´t care to be the other" (hello ????? I'm in the extension, my friend !!!). But he was firm and made one of the greatest indirect declarations of love for me I've ever heard (it was the least he SHOULD do, right?).
PS: I have forgiven. We came back. But he came out with this girl and many others after that. Until the day I found out and gave this relationship up for good. Not without crying, not without too much drama, too many apologies. But some people don´t seam in life...
This is happy. And it is short!
One day, my boyfriend went to the beach with his family. And called me every day saying he could not bear how much he missed me. And I answered that "Oh, OK. Of course..."
Until he decided to to "prove" that he couldn´t live away from me. He called me and said - "I'm going to see you! Wait for me." And he arrived in our city in less than three hours. PS: the beach was six hours away from my city! I don´t wanna even think how he and his friend - who also had left his girlfriend in our city - ran on the road. When I realized, he had called me from his home and was waiting for me with candles and flowers and goodies! Woohoo!
NOTE: Tania, if you read this, you will know exactly what I'm talking about!
The best and most unforgettable.
One night, I have a huge fight with my boyfriend. It was reeeeeallllyyy huge. For me it was always like this: too intense. If it was good, I was VERY-SUPER-MEGA-ULTRA-MAXI-WELL. If it was bad ... my friends ... I wept and suffered, and it was awful. But I was never nasty or disrespectful to others. The thing was about myself. I suffered like hell!
But my stupid boyfriend was sorry for what he had done and wanted to repair the damage. He wanted me back (oh, oh ...). And I did not accepted what he have done at all! You know the popular quote that says "scalded cat fears hot water" (in Brazil)? So ... that was it!
He called me and asked and begged until around 2 am, when my mother lost patience and sent me off the phone. Disconnected. But I did not sleep. I could not.
About six in the morning, I decided to go to the kitchen in order to prepar the coffee to go to school and in the middle of the dark hallway ... I found my mother with a broom and a garbage bag in hand. "-Miriane! Come back to bed! It's too early." What??? She has always complained that I took to much time to wake up ... IT MUST BE SOMETHING!!
She went to the garage and I followed her. And she continue to send me back to my bedroom. But I insisted and insisted until I got in the garage ... or should I say garden? We had a garage for 2 cars at home (since we were a family of mother + father + 8 little ones, at that time) and she was COMPLETELY covered in flowers! The cars included. Flowers of all kinds, colors, smells. Flowers for me. Flowers to apologize!
My mother had managed to sweep a little bit, but I focused on the rest. In color. In the amazing smell. Notes with "I Love You" which were mixed with the flowers. And that was one of the most striking scenes of my life until now!
PS1: of course I went back with that boyfriend! "Oooooobvious"!
PS2: it is unthinkable to imagine that my mother would take that vision of my life forever! Honestly ... When you are a mother, no matter how insane that is the thing that has happened in your house, if it is a demonstration of love for your daughter, LET IT BE, LET IT THERE! She (the daughter) deserves to see it!